What difference can a pause make in a conversations? The difference between a collaboration and confusion. We have all had those conversations where we look at the listener and see confusion, frustration or the glare and stare of someone trying to understand us. Our first reaction may be to keep talking, explain it differently and maybe even think they will catch up. As the speaker, this is your opportunity to meet them where they are and pause. This is where we seek first to understand. When you feel or see you are not getting a positive reaction in a conversation take out your leadership toolbox and use what I call the “power of the pause”.
4 Steps to take a pause in a conversation?
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Take a breath.
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Have your intention be to seek first to understand.
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Ask the question based on the situation or non verbal feedback you are seeing.
“What questions do you have so far based on what I’ve said?”
“I know this is a lot of information – what can I clarify for you?”
“Help me understand what is making sense or what clarification you need so far?”
“I feel that I may have lost you with these details, share your thoughts with me?”
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Here is the hard part – wait for them to answer and ask a follow up question as needed.
We are each leaders of our own life and being a leader is not your title but being a resource for others.
Foster an atmosphere where our listener feels safe enough to ask questions and get clarity without judgement or fear of rejection. This pause has power because you are saying “this is a safe space, I care about how you feel and my objective is to help move you forward with this information.
Leadership is not about being the best rather making others better. This skill can take practice as it takes vulnerability to recognize you don’t know what you don’t know and how to be a valuable resource for others in conversations. As a behavior analyst and communication coach, I work with clients to practice communication skills such as these to increase your confidence to practice them in the real world with all of the other variables. This practice helps you gain confidence in your communication skills.